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I_Am_Flash
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Name: Robert
Birthday: 10/16/1986
Gender: Male
Interests: Religion, Books, Movies, Music, Art, Family, Food, Friends, Love, etc...
Expertise: Art, Graphic Design (GD), etc...
Occupation: Student at the Art Institute's
Message: message me
Member Since:
10/24/2007
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| Well I don't know if I want to keep writing in this. I've swiched over to facebook because there are more people using it and xanga seems to be for writers. So if I deside to start writing (which isnt what I'm good at) I'll be back. But for now I say adue.
And if you wanto to be my friend on facebook I'll gladly acsept your request. There are so manny people on this that I would love to keep talking to so pleas find me.
My name is Robert B Cooper and I live in Minnesota. And I atent the Art Institutes International Minnesota.
That should be enough for you to find me.
Ok.
God Bless
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| So I'm working today and over all I'm comfortable with how I do things and I do my job well. But My dad hired his old boss to work as a salesman. This guy started the company and was originally responsible for how things run today. So he had some work for me to do and I was tense because I don't like old guys telling me how to do things.
I'm cool if they want to tell me what to do but how to do it. No. If I don't know how to do what they want me to do than I'll ask but I hate it when people tell me how to do stuff that I already understand. Its a waist of time and it wares on my mind. Maybe I get so tens because I'm worried that they don't think I can do it right on my own. Probably because I have some pride issue but I think its mostly that I want there respect. If they recognize my ability instead of holding my hand than I'm happy.
Well this guy wasn't a problem today. I just told myself that I'm going to do what I do and if he asks me to do something different than I'll do it his way. I just like the way I do things.
Oh and this week has sucked! Wow. Homework, finances, work, old guys, death in the church family, over all chaos, etc. What a week. And its not done! Its only Friday and this week is going to be a bitch all the way to mothers day.
Mothers day?!!!...
AHHH.
At least I get payed today! | | |
| I cant belive I was intimidated by this advanced design class. Seems like my fellow designers aren't as Great as I thought they were. I mean they are designers but not advanced. In fact I have no more fear of any one in this class. I'm just worried that I'm going to get too careless.
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| My brother is home now. In fact he isn't under house arest but the conditions of his parole require that he abide by the rules of the house. God has a sense of hummer. Funniest thing I've ever heard all day because God has so clearly worked this whole thing over.
Scott was leaving the house before this unpleasantness with the gun because he couldn't abide by hose rules. So he left and the day he got out he was caught and thrown in jail and has been there ever since. Now he is being sent home to live there and now he can't go anywhere and he must abide by the rules by state law.
Its so perfect and so amazing I can't tell you how incredible it is. Not only is God deciding for Scott where he should live and what he can do but now by LAW Scott must follow house rules. WHAT?
Scott is also a real law freak. He thinks legalistic and he understands rules and there absoluteness. And he believes in rules. And now the rules are controlling his life. And he always tries to use the rules to free himself but finely he must know that rules suck and there very nature is slavery because we are flawed beings.
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| So I think my brother is getting out today but I still have my doubts. I really don't trust the system because you never know if something els will come up or whatever.
We will see. I was sending out friend requests a few days ago and I found an old friend. Not really my friend but still I wanted to catch up with her. Just to see if her (boyfriend) was still her "boyfriend". Ummm... She is a friend of Jesi's and for those of you that don't know about Jesi. She was my girlfriend for 2 years or something. And we were really close. We were good friends and our relationship was mostly innocent until we became "intimate". Not that we were having sex but it just wasn't a good relationship. We didn't love each-other as much as we loved ourselves.
But I broke up with her for her sake and later on she contacted me and we were sending messages back and forth until she found something incriminating.
I had joined a dating web site service thing. And it was a "hook up" site. I wanted to start something with someone again in private mostly because I was feeling lonely and I wanted friendship again. The thing is that if I was presented with an opportunity for sex I might have taken it.
All this to say that I am a fool and that Jesi found one of my two profiles. (Oh and by the way I do not have profiles anymore and I am not doing that any more. I quit because I just couldn't go through with it. And every time I tried to meet someone God prevented me.)
Well She sent me an angry message and that was the end of that. I think she had realized why I left her because for me our relationship had become completely dependent on the physical that she no longer meant anything to me.
I think she gets it now. Hopefully she will figure it out for herself that she was just as bad. I think she will be fine.
Anyway. Her friend sent me an angry destructive message that basically said that she hated me for what I did to Jesi and that she wanted me to know that everyone could see through my hypocrisy and that I shouldn't respond because she wont read it.
I responded "So you don't want to be my friend?" "Ok, Rob the Hypocrite of hypocrites"
I hope she reads it anyway.
But I was so frustrated by this message. It really affected me. I kept thinking about revenge and hatred and how much I wanted to tell Jesi to stop gossiping about me. I wanted to explain myself most of all to Jesi and especially to her friends. And I wanted to prove to Jesi and her friends that she is just as much of a hypocrite as I am. And the messed up part is that I know she is just as bad as me because I know her so well. She told me things about herself that no one els knows. And I could crush her with what I know. And I really want to still.
But its that she did trust me and that she loved me just a bit more than I loved her that I know I did hurt her and I am a horrible person. And what do I expect from her friends? An open welcome relationship? Do I expect kindness from people that had to help Jesi emotionally repair herself from the damage I inflicted.
And weather Jesi sinned and hurt herself is not my problem. Its that I hurt her for my own gain for so long and now I need to accept the consequences. Of corse no one will think well of me after what I did.
So I'm feeling strange and conflicted lately. | | |
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